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Making Hostile Words Harmless: A Guide to the Power of Positive Speaking For Helping Professionals and Their Clients
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 (6 Reviews)
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List Price: $40.00
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Our Price: $33.27
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You Save: $6.73 (17%)
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Availability:
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Available for immediate delivery.
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Published:
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May 2, 2008 |
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Binding:
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Paperback
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews:
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 A useful attitude with concrete examples, March 02, 2014
By MJB (Chandler, AZ United States)
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I've had to deal with some pretty verbally hostile people in my life, and one person in particular (who shall remain nameless) had caused me a fair amount of grief. At the time I found this book, some of these unkind words were like "splinters in my brain" that still hurt after all those years. "Making Hostile Words Harmless" was a breath of fresh air, showing it is possible to effectively handle verbal hostility without resorting to supplication or to hostility yourself. Although it's been about 3 years since I read the book, my impression is that it has a good mix of theory and concrete examples to give you a good sense of what applying the theory would look like.
After more experience with handling verbal hostility, I find one potential drawback to the book's approach is that it may be difficult or inefficient to come up with the kind of recommended reply "on the spot". (Time spent internalizing some "stock patterns" would probably alleviate this.) There are other, perhaps related techniques/approaches, that I've found quite useful. Then again, I don't often need to deal with verbal hostility from people with whom I have a relationship that is intimate or otherwise of any significance (luckily I get along with pretty much everybody in my family quite well), and I imagine the techniques in "Making Hostile Words Harmless" could be more effective when dealing with hostility from such people.
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 If we apply the techniques taught avoid many problems., July 08, 2013
By rosrod@improco.com (Canton , MI)
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I was a little disappointed because it is based 90 percent on to examples and put it down before finishing. Some time later I will pick it up to see the end of it. 3 stars because I expected more but learned a lot.
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 GREAT Book for helping deal with difficult people and situations., December 27, 2012
By Roxane
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This book was such a treasure for me to find. I am learning how to re-train myself when dealing with difficulty and deflecting the emotion/stress of life's daily confrontations. I never knew it could be so easy and this book lays it out in an easy to understand fashion. The "mirror-mind" is my go to visualization that I cannot live without. Thank you for this wonderful guide. It has cetainly helped me.
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Might be more ammo to fuel the fire, June 19, 2012
By Ava (Connecticut)
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Some of the concepts in this book I found helpful but overall I felt like the suggestions would cause more tensions than anything and it would be very difficult to say many of them without sarcasm because the book is asking you to say things that aren't true to the aggressor. I find envisioning love and peace between me and the attacker more effective.
1 of 1 people found the above review helpful.
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Everybody Could Benefit From Reading This Book, September 06, 2009
By The Serene Samurai (San Diego, California)
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To be human is to process thoughts, and have conversations.
And, too often, this means being thrown a verbal attack.
If you don't know how to respond in a way that turns the spotlight off of yourself and onto your attacker, you will limit your life.
Using Martin Buber's belief system as the premise of "Making Hostile Words Harmless," Cohen-Posey teaches the power of positive speaking.
Buber believed that bullies, "out of a need for survival, people must use and manage their environment by interrograting, convincing, and judging others." This, he referred to as the "I-It," where bullies objectify others.
Buber, encouraged his followers to replace the "I-It" with "I-though," meaning, "validate each other as they are, while acknowledging and challenging their differences."
Here are some of the many examples of how to do this, in "Making Hostile Words Harmless,":
Example 1:
Random Bully: You're so selfish!
Response: Why, thank you.
Example 2:
Boyfriend: You better watch the tone of voice you take with me!
Response: You mean I'm finally starting to sound forceful?
Boyfriend: I'd say a little too forceful.
Reponse: Well, I can't become calm and gentle until I'm sure of
my strength, so I do appreciatwe it whenever you point
out my (bad) attitude.
Example 3:
Challenge: Would you dare to stay in the house while we ... find a
calm way to talk?
Example 4:
Father: I can't believe you grew up in this town and you don't know the origin
of the name of that street!
Adult daughter: Are you disappointed in me, or my education?
Example 5:
Coworker: Are you wearing any underwear?
Response: Do you have a decent reason for asking me that?
This is one of those books that I kept writing, "good!" "*" "yes." "Off The Chart" on every page.
The only example that I disagreed with was on page 11:
Boyfriend: You better watch the tone of voice you take with me.
Response: Maybe my voice did have a bit of an edge to it.
Yet, as I wrote the above example, I could see that the responder is just agreeing to the fact that she had an edge in her voice, not that she was wrong. Or, that she would be "good" next time.
This book is one that I am sure I will re-read, several times, because although I've been studying the verbal arts for many years, there is so much more to learn, to make sure I consciously take the stand that I want to take, no matter the environment.
1 of 1 people found the above review helpful.
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Teaches skills that will change your life, June 10, 2008
By Sandster (New York City)
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You don't need to be a psychiatrist or social worker to appreciate this book. It is well-written and enjoyable to read, and can have a very positive impact on your relationships. Reading it has made me a better person.
7 of 7 people found the above review helpful.
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See all 6 Reviews.
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